Month: May 2012
Chicken Plucker
Tire Rim Man
A Day When I Wish I Had Access to My Facebook
My wife has agreed to watch Alien with me for the first time ever. As I explained to her, “It’s one of my favorite films of all time. It’s not the greatest film of all time, but it brings exactly what it promises.”
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That Reminds Me…
My wife and I have yet to mind-fuck our four-year-old son and arrange to have a bizarre and embarrassing photo chase him down for the rest of his life.
What I want to know is NOT why people do things like this (simple answer, with 6 billion of us on the planet, a large percentage are bound to be goofballs), but who sat down, puffed on their pipe or nursed their tea, and thought, “You know what’s good for a kid’s development? Keeping him or her locked into an infant’s mindset.”
Actually, I take all that back and apologize, because breast-feeding is MAGIC!
Waitasecond! I fell into TIME magazine’s trap! CONTROVERSY!
Honestly
Beth Dawes is who I always figured Rory Gilmore would grow up to be.
The Kryptonite of My Annoyance
I don’t know why, but… I really, really, REALLY can’t stand it when non-Cockney/non-southern women speak in “Cockney” or southern accents. It drives me up the fucking wall. Don’t try to be cute and do it around me either. I’ll leave the room.
I’ve got to get back on Twitter. I’m just embarrassing myself here.
Me Me Me
I am never filled with self-loathing so much as self-annoyance. Psychically, I’m like the big sweaty guy sitting too close on the subway, except I’m/he’s sitting inside my skin.
“It Is Obvious Whose Idea This Was.”
What my dad said when he saw the tribute to his 80th birthday I and a few family members set up in his front yard.
