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Category Archives: chicago

Chicagoing Straight to Hell! The Unofficial Secret Insider Guide to Nonexistent Chicago Tours

                          By Dan Kelly Once a tool-making, wheat-stacking, hog-butchering powerhouse, Chicago ditched its filthy work gloves and bloody apron long ago to become a buttoned-down, tie-wearing purveyor of finance, publishing, and tourist delights. Regarding the latter—and despite being regularly stripped for parts by […]

Peace Be Upon Them

Another piece from my stint as a church reviewer with the Chicago Journal. I visited the center and wrote this a week or so after the attacks. My Islam knowledge came from the Internet and a book about salat. Find this and other church reviews/religious essays in my book Hilaretic. Downtown Islamic Center 218 S. […]

Right Up Dere

Here’s a fun fact. if you want to get on my bad side very quickly, ask me to help you, and then criticize me while I’m doing it. I might very well leave you adrift among sharks if, when I try to throw you a life preserver, you make a crack about my hurling technique. […]

Deco

I won’t say where, but I recently encountered one of the coolest security guards in the world. I was visiting a lovely Art Deco edifice a while back, and I wanted to take a few pix of the sedately ornate lobby, which featured the inevitable slim, half-naked figures that decorated the era’s most fashionable elevator […]

Aaaaaaaba Dabba Dabba Doooooooo… Ladies and Gentlemen, The Coctails!

Originally appeared in 1993 in a zine called Pure. No, not that one. If you haven’t heard of the other one, don’t worry about it. Photos by my dear friend Kathy Moseley. Some of the best times I had in the 90s were spent at Coctails shows. Click to enlarge.           […]

Mr. Dan Kelly Urban Etiquette Discussion #843765

I always wonder what the thought process is behind this. Machismo/male privilege? A lack of basic urban etiquette? An inflated sense of one’s size (the dude is big, but, at most, he “needs” two side-by-side seats)? Cultural differences (e.g., “Bah! Women are second-class humans!” or “In Gmöszk, where I am coming from, life is hard […]

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HAIL THE SIZE OF SMALL GOLFBALLS!

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Hilaretic: Now Available at Quimby’s

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It’s Not Stealing if You Translate It Weirdly

A Google search revealed an array of spam sites (I think that’s the term) that grabbed and posted my Gapers Block Portage Theater article to their grubby little domains. I’m annoyed, but short of tracking down each and every instance and e-mailing a nasty letter to the spambot in charge, I’m not sure what I […]