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Monthly Archives: December 2010

Father of the God Damned Year

Building a puppet theater for my son for his third birthday tomorrow. Not bad, but I’ve really got to get better at joinery. Also, don’t fear the router, Dan. Share this:

Teenage Film Synopses #2

So, like, this rich guy really liked his sleigh, and he called it Rosebud, but then he died. And then the movie is about him as a kid who, like, gets adopted by another rich guy, and he grows up and starts a newspaper with his friends. But he’s like a really good guy at […]

Teenage Film Synopses #1

Inspired by a comment from Ms. Kathleen Hein. There was like this guy, right? And like his family? And they went to this hotel and it snowed a lot. And then a bunch of ghosts and team mascots were there and he went all crazy and shit and like, totally killed this bald black guy […]

The Abysmal Gazes Back Also

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Return of the Pornament

Our most obscene and decadent ornament, dangling from the tree. Share this:

Ah! The Icy Hand of Death Is Upon My Throat! Wait, It’s Not.

Last night, in the shower, I happened to look down at my left ankle (yes, smart-ass, ignoring any magnificent organs I might have encountered along the way), and I saw a crop circle shaved into my leg hair—a round bald patch about the size of an Eisenhower dollar. “WTF?” I think, looking more closely, and […]

The Unknown Rogues

Stupid Things I’ve Always Wondered About #28193 Remember the old Batman TV show? Of course you do. Remember the opening credits? Probably, but not as well as I do. As a kid the credits fascinated me, because they were the only cartoony aspect of the show (which, of course, was as camp as Christmas, but […]

Why, It Must Be Christmastime in Chicago… Death Dangles Above!

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As a Boy I Built Gingerbrick Houses, Because They Were SENSIBLE

So here’s a stupid question, but give me a break, because we never built one in my house when I was growing up. I’m thinking of making one with my wife and son, because it’s fun, and I’m freaking jolly and shit. After you build a gingerbread house and let it sit around for a […]

Too Many Secrets?

One thing I’ve been pondering since Wikileaks issued its second batch of goodies is this: Considering the alternative (not revealing secrets) has it been demonstrably proven that keeping secrets is such a good policy for diplomacy? Because that didn’t seem to be working so well before things started wikileaking. There are lies we tell ourselves […]