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Category Archives: rant

My Deeply Held Beliefs Say Go to Hell

Thursday, May 14, 2015

Oh…you want to use my services? Yeahhhhh, that’s a problem. Look you seem nice and all, but I just can’t do it, because what you…do…and are…is…frowned upon by my religion. But I have an excellent reason for discrim…uh, declining to serve you. See, my ancestors chose to follow an abridged version of a religion practiced […]

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THIS IS THE BEST POST EVER. LET US DISCUSS THIS FOREVER.

Friday, February 13, 2015

Two highly successful talented and attractive people who have money to burn and have traveled the world doing what they love have an equally rich and talented person complaining that one of them deserves to add yet another award they’ve all already earned several times before to her trophy cabinets, because it’s a god damned […]

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Starfookers

Monday, September 15, 2014

There’s a point when others’ crushes on minor celebrities grate on me. They shouldn’t, because people are entitled to like what they want to like, and, more importantly, Mr. Dan Grumpy can go fuck himself for being the jealous bastard he’s always been. But I get so damned tired of hearing how so and so […]

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Right Up Dere

Thursday, June 26, 2014

Here’s a fun fact. if you want to get on my bad side very quickly, ask me to help you, and then criticize me while I’m doing it. I might very well leave you adrift among sharks if, when I try to throw you a life preserver, you make a crack about my hurling technique. […]

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Here Comes a Chopper, to Chop Off Your Head. Just Kidding.

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

I once joked with an individual from a well-off family that maybe we needed to send the rich a message about sharing and not mucking with others’ opportunities by creating intimidating golf cart-drawn guillotines. The guillotines would be periodically driven through particularly rich neighborhoods as a reminder that things can go south rather quickly, and […]

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Then I See No Darkness

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

I’m imagining the typical sci-fi situation where someone has a time machine, goes back to September 10, 2001, and tips off the Feds. Unlike the usual “don’t step on a bug and/or kill your grandpa” warnings, I can’t see any downside to changing history in this case. Al Qaeda and bin Laden would more than […]

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Miley Is the New Batman

Monday, August 26, 2013

I think I’ll write a piece petting the heads of people who give a damn about REAL HARD news. I won’t actually admonish the mouth-breathers who zealously follow celebrity gossip and suchlike with nary a complaint, because they’re not reading my stuff anyway. Nope, I’ll write some hair shirt-wearing philippic where I accuse the mass […]

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Flying Velvet Unicorn Meat

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Note: I know this is well overdue, but I’ve been ruminating about this article and the writer’s plight for some time since reading it. Basically, here’s why it’s okay for writers (and other artists) to think the world owes them a living when we provide services. Expecting otherwise is downright un-American. When you’re younger and […]

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Mr. Dan Kelly Urban Etiquette Discussion #843765

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

I always wonder what the thought process is behind this. Machismo/male privilege? A lack of basic urban etiquette? An inflated sense of one’s size (the dude is big, but, at most, he “needs” two side-by-side seats)? Cultural differences (e.g., “Bah! Women are second-class humans!” or “In Gmöszk, where I am coming from, life is hard […]

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You Know… Morons.

Friday, June 7, 2013

I’m not excusing Obama and his administration for the recent revelation of all that juicy phone and Internet data they’ve been amassing, but… I always imagine that whoever is president, on their first day someone takes them to a room filled with certain people from the intelligence community, private industry, the military, and the like. […]

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