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Category Archives: food

Him in Me Body Now after Bites

There was a chonklit bunnies, but I ated it with my stomach muscles.

“That Simpson, he thinks he’s the pope of chili town.”—Chief Wiggum

Good gravy. Guess who’s the three-time winner of his company’s chili cook-off? C’est moi. Anyone want the recipe?

Rutabaga o’Lantern

In honor of my Gaelic roots, I carved a rutabaga this year. It takes some doing (scooping out the guts isn’t as efficient as it is with a pumpkin), but the end results are creepily worth it. STAY AWAY, EVIL SPIRITS!

New Pop Bottle Acquired in Milwaukee

I wish I knew someone who cared about this shit.

As a Boy I Built Gingerbrick Houses, Because They Were SENSIBLE

So here’s a stupid question, but give me a break, because we never built one in my house when I was growing up. I’m thinking of making one with my wife and son, because it’s fun, and I’m freaking jolly and shit. After you build a gingerbread house and let it sit around for a […]


I love my new coffee press. Sorry, I can’t orgasmically discuss its technological aspects, so please don’t “press” me to do so. See what I did there? “Press.” The note is from wiseacre co-workers who hadn’t seen me for two days because I was hiding in a meeting room proofing a big document—it’s the only […]

An Elizabethan Gentleman Enjoys an Ear of Corn