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Monthly Archives: October 2012

99 Glass Balloons

Many years ago, I read at an event covering the topic of writings found on the Internet. It was the late 90s, and the Web was still a brave and uncharted new world. The concept of uncompensated writers covering unusual and personal topics was novel enough to warrant this sort of attention. The guy who […]

A Mighty Bastard Is Your God

Whenever a GOP idiot says God approves of something reprehensible, try to imagine the following exchange happening with a co-worker. God (in the Next Cube): Say, Brad, what’s wrong? Brad: (Crestfallen) My… teenage daughter was… raped last night. God: Tsk. Oh, that’s a shame. (Scratches head) Say, was she dressed like a whore? That might […]

To Do List 10/17/12

____ Cease being worthless and weak, poss. through pottery class. ____ Eventually, all will come to loathe me. Outline 12-step plan to expedite this. ____ Set date for a complete restructuring of personality. ____ Re-assess/-align/-ject all I have learned, believe in, and have become by Tuesday. ____ Instigate plan to become smarter, focused, less inane, […]

20 Signs of a Hard Winter

1. Wooly caterpillars wear wooly wool coats and hats, large comical googly-eyed glasses, speak in adorable Capote-like lisp. 2. Bears found hibernating in the attic 3. Sun dead 4. Pluto, Lord of the Underworld, seen carrying Persephone to Hades 5. Glacier onslaught 6. Harvested rutabagas bite like a motherfucker, won’t let go 7. Antifreeze antifreezes […]

How Can Shadows Be Slimy?

Horror fiction is the only genre I follow with any consistency. I’ve had brief flirtations and extended courtships with genres like fantasy (I favored sword and sorcery during high school, but happily never after), mysteries (mostly the old pulp/hard-boiled stuff, though I’ve followed a few modern series), and sci-fi (briefly raiding my dad’s 40s to […]