So, like, this rich guy really liked his sleigh, and he called it Rosebud, but then he died. And then the movie is about him as a kid who, like, gets adopted by another rich guy, and he grows up and starts a newspaper with his friends. But he’s like a really good guy at first, but he and his wife don’t like each other anymore and they get divorced. But he still gets richer and runs for something, like mayor, I think. Then he gets caught totally banging this hot blonde chick, and he tries to cover up the fact that he’s banging her by making her sing shit. Then he buys a lot of statues, but she’s all like whining, “You never get me any presents that I want, man.” So, she leaves him and he keeps buying crap until he dies after smashing this snow globe everywhere. And then for some reason someone burns his fucking Rosebud sled.