Get Off My Lawn

Ah! ‘Tis the first day of spring, and already the locals (though usually it’s visitors to the neighborhood) are engaging in the exciting sport of car-sitting. For you see, when the weather gets nice, it’s time to go outside, drive somewhere, and then sit in the goddamn car with your six closest friends while you wait for your cousins to get their hair cut.

Be sure to park your car in front of someone’s house, so the owner can walk by the window over the course of several hours and wonder when the fuck you’re going to leave. Because he’s tired of picking up your trash and wondering if you’re going to harass his kids. The bottles of piss have yet to start sprouting on the lawn though, so well done!

Author: Mr. Dan Kelly

Chicago writer interested in many things.