At The Theater to See Moonrise Kingdom Last Night…

(My wife leaves to use the facilities. I’m one seat in from the end in an already poor viewing position on the far right of the theater. I spy a group of four mature semi-latecomers  coming in, looking for seats. I know they’re heading for me, and I’m prepared to move, once they show they plan to sit beside me.)

Leader of Latecomers: (Points at my wife’s purse in her seat): Who’s sitting there?

Me: My wife, but… (I prepare to shift over a seat)

Leader: Well, is ANYone sitting THERE? (Points to the seat at my right)

Me: Uh, no, so I’ll just…

Leader: (Obviously feeling that I’m not springing from my seat fast enough.) Is THERE a PROBLEM here?

Me: No, there isn’t a PROBLEM here, but maybe you could give me a CHANCE to move OVER!

(I get up and move over. Without a thank you, they file in. As I glare at them, they avoid eye contact.)

There are plenty of asses in this world, yes, and they should be thwarted at every turn. However, there are just as many jerks who (1)  think they’re here to fight the asses of the world; (2) assume everyone who doesn’t make them immediately happy must be another ass throwing obstacles in their path; and (3) anything goes, because sarcasm and bad behavior are the best ways to deal with a fellow human being.

Author: Mr. Dan Kelly

Chicago writer interested in many things.