Skip to content

Forgotten Things

Thing 1 and Thing 2: Lackeys of the cat; sexless creatures, blue of hair, simian of visage; bringers of chaos, attention whores

Thing 3: Mercifully deceased. Buried in desert by man who still refuses to say what he saw that night.

Thing 4: Twice as large as the others, but lacking in confidence

Thing 5: Repulsive to the touch; filled with unquenchable loneliness

Thing 6: Possesses only arms, no legs; crawls about with simpering eyes, wet with illicit desire

Thing 7: Apathetic and listless, cares for nothing, single horn under left arm

Thing 8: Blue hair, red boiler suit, no features save for screaming toothless maw in center of head

Thing 9: Twittery, nervous, laughing thing with large red eye rimmed with gook. Too “handsy.”

Thing 10: Highly sexualized with inescapable and multitudinous phalanges and sucker grips

Thing 11: Bones on the outside; eats fish whole

Thing 12: While Thing 1 and 2 foment discord, Thing 12 wreaks only vengeance and rue. Driven mad by the sight of blood.

Thing 13: Creature of  supernumerary nipples, multiple vestigial glandes

Thing 14: Flesh eternally imploding and turning upon itself, like a hot dog in a microwave. Likes kids.

Thing 15: Missing, presumed dead, possibly imprisoned within cliff face in New Hampshire. Best not to speak of it.

Thing 16: Utter bastard. Sets fires, plants evidence. Cat has severed all ties with Thing 16. Mentions of his name will only bring angry glare.

Thing 17: Cat’s “special friend,” shares apartment, cooks and cleans, forced to remain out of sight.

Thing 18: Insouciant, intemperate, reviled by God.

Thing 19: Spends its days methodically beating its head and others’ against against basement wall.

Thing 20: Can’t stand for long. Flops about on useless rubbery limbs.

Thing 21: “He Who Must Not Be Seen”

Thing 22: Kindly but painfully produces toys and candy from chest hole.

Thing 23: Poet, soldier, philanthropist. Once followed cat blindly until he asked himself, “What does it all mean?”

Thing 24: Weak, worthless, sniveling thing, fit only for contempt.

Thing 25: Intoxicated most of the time. Sees “things.”

Thing 26: Fired. Discovered by Cat fucking rare roast beast.

Thing 27: Delicious. Whipped cream-like skin easily scooped up with toffee-like fingernails.

Thing 28: Dast not show his face hereabouts until his mother is ready to forgive him.