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Author Archives: Mr. Dan Kelly

Chicago writer interested in many things.

20 Signs of a Hard Winter

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

1. Wooly caterpillars wear wooly wool coats and hats, large comical googly-eyed glasses, speak in adorable Capote-like lisp. 2. Bears found hibernating in the attic 3. Sun dead 4. Pluto, Lord of the Underworld, seen carrying Persephone to Hades 5. Glacier onslaught 6. Harvested rutabagas bite like a motherfucker, won’t let go 7. Antifreeze antifreezes […]

Filed in humor | | Comments (0)

How Can Shadows Be Slimy?

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Horror fiction is the only genre I follow with any consistency. I’ve had brief flirtations and extended courtships with genres like fantasy (I favored sword and sorcery during high school, but happily never after), mysteries (mostly the old pulp/hard-boiled stuff, though I’ve followed a few modern series), and sci-fi (briefly raiding my dad’s 40s to […]

Filed in children, death, Halloween, horror, mr. dan kelly, old time radio, ramble, wtf?, young dan kelly | | Comments (0)

“Big Deal! It’s Not Like You Old People Vote Anyway!”

Friday, September 21, 2012

I wonder if the GOP realizes that the crop of candidates they’ve been grooming all these years—the guys and gals who truly believe Ayn Rand was on to something, and think perpetually steamrolling austerity over the middle- and lower-classes is not only a good idea but also a NEW one—are hollow-headed, starry-eyed morons; dare I […]

Filed in America, idiots, politics | | Comments (0)

“Henceforth, Down Will Be Defined as Up”

Thursday, September 13, 2012

With a wife, sister, sister-in-law, cousin, and many friends working in teaching and/or the CPS, I’m fairly familiar with what their day-to-day lives and jobs are like. Consequently, it’s amazing to read or hear the avalanche of not only negative but also grossly uninformed reactions to the strike. I’d compare it to going outside one […]

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ICU

Friday, August 3, 2012

I don’t like the proliferation of security cameras in public, partly because it’s invasive, secondly because it creates the mindset that crime is best dealt with through cheap gestures. However, there’s one civil liberties non-argument against security cams in public that I’d like to see done away with, mainly because it frames the issue in […]

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I Am Unhappy! What Are YOU Going to Do About It!?!

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

There’s a certain type of leftyish pundit/commenter who strikes me as the sort who hangs out with you only to bitch about how you’ve failed him. He comes over, raids the fridge, and complains that you never stock the kind of beer and food HE likes. Then he strides around and critiques your books, furniture, […]

Filed in America, politics, pundit, rant | | Comments (0)

The Creative Process

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Mike, Nate, Flynn, and I are on our way to the beach house we rented in Michigan. It’s located some ways off the main road, requiring a series of twisty turns through the greenery. Mike asks me to review the directions on the Post It notes she scribbled out the other night while speaking to the […]

Filed in children, family, humor, nate, writing | | Comments (0)

Newest Bottles

Saturday, July 7, 2012

Nice selection of bottles from my recent, latest jaunt to Michigan. Highlights include the “Pluto Water: America’s Phisic” bottle with the image of Pluto/Hades/Satan on the bottom; the bottle of Sun-Drop soda (“ITS INVIGORATING PICK-UP and REFRESHING QUALITY is taken from the COCOA BEAN”); a green Dr. Pepper bottle with their former “10-2-4” clock logo […]

Filed in antiques, bottles, doodads | | Comments (0)

AmeriCCCa

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

For a country largely composed of the descendants of individuals unwanted elsewhere, and who, in their native lands, would probably be hip-deep in each others’ blood—yet who have managed to slowly craft this country into a democracy emulated by other nations suffering under or snapping back from centuries of idiotic notions like monarchies, dictatorships, and […]

Filed in America, ramble | | Comments (0)

At The Theater to See Moonrise Kingdom Last Night…

Sunday, June 24, 2012

(My wife leaves to use the facilities. I’m one seat in from the end in an already poor viewing position on the far right of the theater. I spy a group of four mature semi-latecomers  coming in, looking for seats. I know they’re heading for me, and I’m prepared to move, once they show they […]

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