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Author Archives: Mr. Dan Kelly

Chicago writer interested in many things.

Crab’s Cradle

“But there was more to it than just coping with such traumatic situations. In later life, despite being hailed by so many as an American genius, Vonnegut felt that the literary establishment never took him seriously. They interpreted his simplistic style, love of science fiction and Midwestern values as being beneath serious study.” Never minding […]

It Never Would Have Worked Out Between Me and Dave

Letter from summer camp to my parents (postmarked July 1979), rediscovered in an old photo album at my parents. I loved Boy Scouts, but I always hated camping as a kid. No idea what Mom and Dad’s reaction was to the Dave Litt part. Interestingly, Dave introduced me to the movie Alien (via the Marvel […]

Dan’s Drunksgiving

The day before Thanksgiving, at my old job, we had a small party. My boss decided to hold a round robin, asking everyone to share their plans for the holiday. My fellow employees generally reported that they were heading to their relatives’ homes or holding dinner at their own, traveling, or what have you. Then […]

Wallpaper

Some of the worst people to work with are the ones who deliver their requests with a “Do not disappoint me” tone, even though you’ve rarely, if ever, disappointed them before. They seem less interested in generating good work and more in love with the idea of their own limited power. They provide little to […]

Captain Prolix

Mike: So, are you going to finish that novel? Me: Yes, eventually. Mike: Well, how much is left? Where are you at? Me: Chapter 20 of Section 2. Mike: (Gapes) Really? Me: Wait a second. (I leave and return with the print-out of Section 1) Here it is. Mike: That’s it? Me: No, that’s just […]

I Have a Book

Way back in the ‘oughts, I wrote a series of articles for the Chicago Journal that were, for lack of a better term, “church reviews.” I’d visit local places of worship during services and evaluate them according to entertainment value, sanctity, and whatever else occurred to me. At the same time I’d do a little […]

Rutabaga o’Lantern

In honor of my Gaelic roots, I carved a rutabaga this year. It takes some doing (scooping out the guts isn’t as efficient as it is with a pumpkin), but the end results are creepily worth it. STAY AWAY, EVIL SPIRITS!

Halloween Decoration Abominations

I’ve developed a practical philosophy about Halloween decorations ever since I bought a house  and gained a front porch canvas on which I could present my annual nightmare tableau.* While I believe that everyone is entitled to live the way they want to live (so long as nobody gets hurt), where Halloween decorations are concerned […]

Street Art… or Crazy Herniated Homeless Guy’s Shopping Cart?

You make the call…

Find the Stoopid Cat

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