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Author Archives: Mr. Dan Kelly

Chicago writer interested in many things.

Then I See No Darkness

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

I’m imagining the typical sci-fi situation where someone has a time machine, goes back to September 10, 2001, and tips off the Feds. Unlike the usual “don’t step on a bug and/or kill your grandpa” warnings, I can’t see any downside to changing history in this case. Al Qaeda and bin Laden would more than […]

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Miley Is the New Batman

Monday, August 26, 2013

I think I’ll write a piece petting the heads of people who give a damn about REAL HARD news. I won’t actually admonish the mouth-breathers who zealously follow celebrity gossip and suchlike with nary a complaint, because they’re not reading my stuff anyway. Nope, I’ll write some hair shirt-wearing philippic where I accuse the mass […]

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Flying Velvet Unicorn Meat

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Note: I know this is well overdue, but I’ve been ruminating about this article and the writer’s plight for some time since reading it. Basically, here’s why it’s okay for writers (and other artists) to think the world owes them a living when we provide services. Expecting otherwise is downright un-American. When you’re younger and […]

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Mr. Dan Kelly Urban Etiquette Discussion #843765

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

I always wonder what the thought process is behind this. Machismo/male privilege? A lack of basic urban etiquette? An inflated sense of one’s size (the dude is big, but, at most, he “needs” two side-by-side seats)? Cultural differences (e.g., “Bah! Women are second-class humans!” or “In Gmöszk, where I am coming from, life is hard […]

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Life Lesson

Saturday, June 8, 2013

                              Life was giving my friend Leslie shit, so I snuck up on him, knocked him out cold, dragged him to my car, and threw him in the trunk. I drove Life out to a remote location where I yanked him […]

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You Know… Morons.

Friday, June 7, 2013

I’m not excusing Obama and his administration for the recent revelation of all that juicy phone and Internet data they’ve been amassing, but… I always imagine that whoever is president, on their first day someone takes them to a room filled with certain people from the intelligence community, private industry, the military, and the like. […]

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Just Thinking Aloud

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Inspired by recent events, but applicable in general. As a rule, noncombatants only amass and fight against the odds in large numbers when they’re seriously aggrieved. Their motivations may differ, and their methods may be questionable, but when it comes down to, “We’re being discriminated against, injured, and murdered; we just want relief—stop hurting us […]

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As You Go Forth into Blah Blah Blah

Monday, May 20, 2013

Maybe it’s just me, but I think most commencement speeches fail because the greater number of listeners will do just fine in the world since—unlike the more philosophical speaker…unless he or she is a captain of industry or similar WANT-TAKE-HAVE type—they’re individuals who don’t over-think the mechanism of life. They live without any real hesitation, […]

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No One Who Ever Goes In… Ever Comes Out the Same Way…

Saturday, March 2, 2013

Fun game catalog found in a Civil War themed game I bought on eBay.

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Forgotten Things

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Thing 1 and Thing 2: Lackeys of the cat; sexless creatures, blue of hair, simian of visage; bringers of chaos, attention whores Thing 3: Mercifully deceased. Buried in desert by man who still refuses to say what he saw that night. Thing 4: Twice as large as the others, but lacking in confidence Thing 5: […]

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