Skip to content

Category Archives: mr. dan kelly

“X-Offender” by Blondie: A Researched Rumination by Dan Kelly

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Recently, Liz Mason of Quimby’s asked me to do a reading at a performance by the Blue Ribbon Glee Club, an adorable punk rock singing ensemble she belongs to, and whom you must see the next time they perform. Pure joy. The band sang three songs, and two other writers and I delivered essays inspired […]

Also filed in history, humor, Irish, ramble, writing | | Comments Off on “X-Offender” by Blondie: A Researched Rumination by Dan Kelly

Help Me Identify the Skiing Cat-Human Dog Murder Film I Saw at Age Five(?)

Thursday, February 19, 2015

The Internet has helped me solve numerous mysteries over the years, mostly in the vein of “What was that film/song/book/TV show where the ______ did _____?” Here’s a new one that I’d sure like to solve before I die. Long ago, probably in the first half of the 1970s, I went to see a movie […]

Also filed in film, wtf?, young dan kelly | | Comments (0)

Damned If I Don’t

Sunday, November 9, 2014

I had a dream that I was in some sort of writing master’s class headed by a grouchy Philip Roth figure—except he was played by some character actor I couldn’t place; possibly David Straitharn in make-up. The class was held downtown in the writer’s gigantic, gloriously sterile loft, and was attended by me, an unidentified […]

Also filed in dreams, ramble, writing, wtf? | | Comments Off on Damned If I Don’t

Creepy Things That Have Happened to Me That I’ve Never Told Anyone

Friday, October 31, 2014

Once, when I was a kid, I was “camping out” in the living room. This consisted of spreading out my bear-shaped sleeping bag on the shag carpeting, crawling in, and falling asleep. At some point in the night I snapped awake, thinking I heard someone call my name, “Danny…Danny…” I looked up, and there was […]

Also filed in Halloween, wtf?, young dan kelly | | Comments Off on Creepy Things That Have Happened to Me That I’ve Never Told Anyone

Right Up Dere

Thursday, June 26, 2014

Here’s a fun fact. if you want to get on my bad side very quickly, ask me to help you, and then criticize me while I’m doing it. I might very well leave you adrift among sharks if, when I try to throw you a life preserver, you make a crack about my hurling technique. […]

Also filed in chicago, idiots, rant, stroll, wtf? | | Comments Off on Right Up Dere

SEX TORTOISE

Sunday, December 8, 2013

                    Me: So, I have an idea for a present for you, but I want to bounce it off you first. My Wife: I don’t want a turtle. Me: (Blank sarcastic expression) My Wife: Ha ha ha! Me: Actually, it’s a TORTOISE, smart-ass. My Wife: Oh, […]

Also filed in Christmas, family, humor, sex, toys, wtf? | | Comments Off on SEX TORTOISE

Protected: Fatal Doom—Chapters 2 and 3

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

Also filed in novel | | Enter your password to view comments.

Protected: Fatal Doom, Chapter 1

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

Also filed in novel | | Enter your password to view comments.

Cryyyyyyyyying, OOoooooverrrrrr Yooouuuuuuuuu!

Friday, November 9, 2012

The surprise that Obama would choke up (“show emotion,” as ABC’s site refers to it) while thanking his staffers reminds me of the older relatives who think of me as one of those “new fathers”—that is, a guy who’s deeply involved in raising his kids. They mean it admiringly, but it’s funny that in 2012 […]

Also filed in America, family, Flynn, history, nate, ramble | | Comments (0)

99 Glass Balloons

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Many years ago, I read at an event covering the topic of writings found on the Internet. It was the late 90s, and the Web was still a brave and uncharted new world. The concept of uncompensated writers covering unusual and personal topics was novel enough to warrant this sort of attention. The guy who […]

Also filed in har!, humor, Internet, ramble, toys | | Comments (0)