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Category Archives: mr. dan kelly

Creepy Things That Have Happened to Me That I’ve Never Told Anyone

Once, when I was a kid, I was “camping out” in the living room. This consisted of spreading out my bear-shaped sleeping bag on the shag carpeting, crawling in, and falling asleep. At some point in the night I snapped awake, thinking I heard someone call my name, “Danny…Danny…” I looked up, and there was […]

Right Up Dere

Here’s a fun fact. if you want to get on my bad side very quickly, ask me to help you, and then criticize me while I’m doing it. I might very well leave you adrift among sharks if, when I try to throw you a life preserver, you make a crack about my hurling technique. […]

SEX TORTOISE

                    Me: So, I have an idea for a present for you, but I want to bounce it off you first. My Wife: I don’t want a turtle. Me: (Blank sarcastic expression) My Wife: Ha ha ha! Me: Actually, it’s a TORTOISE, smart-ass. My Wife: Oh, […]

Protected: Fatal Doom—Chapters 2 and 3

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Protected: Fatal Doom, Chapter 1

There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

Cryyyyyyyyying, OOoooooverrrrrr Yooouuuuuuuuu!

The surprise that Obama would choke up (“show emotion,” as ABC’s site refers to it) while thanking his staffers reminds me of the older relatives who think of me as one of those “new fathers”—that is, a guy who’s deeply involved in raising his kids. They mean it admiringly, but it’s funny that in 2012 […]

99 Glass Balloons

Many years ago, I read at an event covering the topic of writings found on the Internet. It was the late 90s, and the Web was still a brave and uncharted new world. The concept of uncompensated writers covering unusual and personal topics was novel enough to warrant this sort of attention. The guy who […]

How Can Shadows Be Slimy?

Horror fiction is the only genre I follow with any consistency. I’ve had brief flirtations and extended courtships with genres like fantasy (I favored sword and sorcery during high school, but happily never after), mysteries (mostly the old pulp/hard-boiled stuff, though I’ve followed a few modern series), and sci-fi (briefly raiding my dad’s 40s to […]

Me Me Me

I am never filled with self-loathing so much as self-annoyance. Psychically, I’m like the big sweaty guy sitting too close on the subway, except I’m/he’s sitting inside my skin. Share this:

“It Is Obvious Whose Idea This Was.”

What my dad said when he saw the tribute to his 80th birthday I and a few family members set up in his front yard. Share this: