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Mr. Dan Kelly’s Top Five Desert Island Books

1. Building a Sex Doll with Flotsam and Jetsam, by the Editors of Make Magazine

2. The Joy of Cooking Your Own Foot, by Irma S. Rombauer

3. Fighting Off Mutant Crab Monsters with a Sharpened Stick, by Sgt. Clint Higgins

4. What Was That? On the Horizon… Oh My God! Sob! A Ship! A Ship! At Last! At Last! Oh, Thank You, Jesus, Thank You! Wait… NOOOOOOOO!!! It Was Only an Illusion Borne of My Unceasing Hunger! Nonononononono… NOOOOOO!!! (Snap) Ah-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! It’s so Clear to Me Now! I AM CHRIST! I’ll Just WALK Back to America! Here We Go… (Splash, Splash, Splash!) This Is Fun! How I’ll Laugh When I Reach Hawaii! HAHAHAHAHA!!! AHHHHH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Dum-de-dum-dee-Argle-Bargle-Glargle…, by Hugh Dam Foole

5. Superfudge, by Judy Blume