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Author Archives: Mr. Dan Kelly

Chicago writer interested in many things.

No Reward, Other Than the Satisfaction of Doing the Wrong Thing

Thursday, March 15, 2012

I lost my to do list somewhere downtown (I think). Should you find it, please pass it along to me at your earliest convenience. Ignore the items remaining to be checked off, including “Collect basement wives (Asian blondes?)” and “Activate skull-fornicating android army.”

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Finding Parker

Thursday, March 15, 2012

I’m heading to Manlius and Princeton, IL, this weekend to see some of the few remaining works of architect Parker Noble Berry, Louis Sullivan’s final draftsman and a promising architect in his own right. Sadly, Berry died at age 30, a victim of the 1918 Spanish Flu. I don’t think his hospital is still standing, […]

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Warm Weather

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

What is that large, bright, warm, glowing ball in the sky? No, I don’t mean the sun. I mean the one next to it with the angry robots coming out.

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WHAT.

Monday, March 12, 2012

“You’re pretty tall for an Irishman.” My New Dentist  

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Patent Absurdity #2

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Haven’t come up with a name for this one yet. Maybe I should sell these on Etsy, because I’d really like to see who’d buy something like this.

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I Miss Twitter

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

The plural of tortoise is tortellini.

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She Never Realized It

Wednesday, March 7, 2012
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Man of Brains, Man of Beef

Monday, March 5, 2012
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“That Simpson, he thinks he’s the pope of chili town.”—Chief Wiggum

Monday, March 5, 2012

Good gravy. Guess who’s the three-time winner of his company’s chili cook-off? C’est moi. Anyone want the recipe?

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The Proper Preparation of Haint Meat: A Pamphlet for the Edification of the Public

Friday, March 2, 2012

In times of economic distress and great privation, it seems fitting to peruse the afterworld for alternative comestibles. As the price of animalistic meat, by example, becomes more dear, one must seek quasi-organic venues for the basic proteins. But whereas the restrictions of species, edibleness, poisonous issue, extinction, fictionality, taboo, ethos, vainglory, and mobility forbid […]

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