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Author Archives: Mr. Dan Kelly
Return of the Pornament
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Our most obscene and decadent ornament, dangling from the tree.
Ah! The Icy Hand of Death Is Upon My Throat! Wait, It’s Not.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Last night, in the shower, I happened to look down at my left ankle (yes, smart-ass, ignoring any magnificent organs I might have encountered along the way), and I saw a crop circle shaved into my leg hair—a round bald patch about the size of an Eisenhower dollar. “WTF?” I think, looking more closely, and […]
The Unknown Rogues
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Stupid Things I’ve Always Wondered About #28193 Remember the old Batman TV show? Of course you do. Remember the opening credits? Probably, but not as well as I do. As a kid the credits fascinated me, because they were the only cartoony aspect of the show (which, of course, was as camp as Christmas, but […]
As a Boy I Built Gingerbrick Houses, Because They Were SENSIBLE
Monday, December 6, 2010
So here’s a stupid question, but give me a break, because we never built one in my house when I was growing up. I’m thinking of making one with my wife and son, because it’s fun, and I’m freaking jolly and shit. After you build a gingerbread house and let it sit around for a […]
Too Many Secrets?
Thursday, December 2, 2010
One thing I’ve been pondering since Wikileaks issued its second batch of goodies is this: Considering the alternative (not revealing secrets) has it been demonstrably proven that keeping secrets is such a good policy for diplomacy? Because that didn’t seem to be working so well before things started wikileaking. There are lies we tell ourselves […]
Introduction for My Soon-to-Be “Published” E-Book Hilaretic
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Let me know if this reads well. Well, I’ll Be Damned By Dan Kelly I knew I’d grow up to be a writer. It never occurred to me I’d be a church reviewer. Heck, I didn’t even come up with the concept. Brett McNeil, former Chicago Journal editor did. A decade ago, as Brett mentions […]
Mr. Dan Kelly’s Top Five Desert Island Books
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
1. Building a Sex Doll with Flotsam and Jetsam, by the Editors of Make Magazine 2. The Joy of Cooking Your Own Foot, by Irma S. Rombauer 3. Fighting Off Mutant Crab Monsters with a Sharpened Stick, by Sgt. Clint Higgins 4. What Was That? On the Horizon… Oh My God! Sob! A Ship! A […]
White Unlike He
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Christian Lander strikes me as the kind of high school/college nerd who—saddened that he lacked the musculature to become a true bully—realized he could elevate his sense of self-worth by indiscriminately chopping up things the other nerds liked. Chris Ware pointed out this phenomenon in one of his hilarious parody ads. Selling the product “RESENTMENT” […]