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Category Archives: wtf?

SEX TORTOISE

                    Me: So, I have an idea for a present for you, but I want to bounce it off you first. My Wife: I don’t want a turtle. Me: (Blank sarcastic expression) My Wife: Ha ha ha! Me: Actually, it’s a TORTOISE, smart-ass. My Wife: Oh, […]

Flying Velvet Unicorn Meat

Note: I know this is well overdue, but I’ve been ruminating about this article and the writer’s plight for some time since reading it. Basically, here’s why it’s okay for writers (and other artists) to think the world owes them a living when we provide services. Expecting otherwise is downright un-American. When you’re younger and […]

Mr. Dan Kelly Urban Etiquette Discussion #843765

I always wonder what the thought process is behind this. Machismo/male privilege? A lack of basic urban etiquette? An inflated sense of one’s size (the dude is big, but, at most, he “needs” two side-by-side seats)? Cultural differences (e.g., “Bah! Women are second-class humans!” or “In Gmöszk, where I am coming from, life is hard […]

Forgotten Things

Thing 1 and Thing 2: Lackeys of the cat; sexless creatures, blue of hair, simian of visage; bringers of chaos, attention whores Thing 3: Mercifully deceased. Buried in desert by man who still refuses to say what he saw that night. Thing 4: Twice as large as the others, but lacking in confidence Thing 5: […]

How Can Shadows Be Slimy?

Horror fiction is the only genre I follow with any consistency. I’ve had brief flirtations and extended courtships with genres like fantasy (I favored sword and sorcery during high school, but happily never after), mysteries (mostly the old pulp/hard-boiled stuff, though I’ve followed a few modern series), and sci-fi (briefly raiding my dad’s 40s to […]

I Can Haz Cannibalizm Bacon?

Let’s imagine that through some set of circumstances, you end up attending a soda pop bottle collectors’ convention. Perhaps, like me, you collect soda pop bottles, and turning up at such a convention wouldn’t be a surprise to you (I haven’t attended any myself), but in this instance let’s assume you don’t give a damn […]

It’s True!

  I just read an article about a new study that discovered that I should start prefacing my opinions with either “According to this article I read…” or “I just read about a study that states…” because most people will believe ANY sentence that starts that way. I also read about a study in the […]

“It Is Obvious Whose Idea This Was.”

What my dad said when he saw the tribute to his 80th birthday I and a few family members set up in his front yard.

The Spirit Was Willing, BUT THE FLESH WAS WEAK!

What?

Also from the site that stole/mistranslated my article.